By Susie Steel, CFP®
Every week, I go to my mother-in-law’s house and fill her medicine dispenser with the 12 or 15 pills she takes. It takes about 20 minutes, and it’s become part of our routine.
This is often what caring for an aging parent looks like. They’re still living independently, but little things start getting harder, and family members begin stepping in more often. Maybe it’s organizing medications, driving to an appointment, picking up groceries, or helping to keep their finances and financial plan on track as their needs change.
It can be hard to know how much help to offer when a parent is still managing well on their own. But helping with some of these everyday tasks can make it easier for them to stay independent longer.
What if a Crisis Hasn’t Happened?
We tend to think a parent will need help after something significant happens, like a fall or a new diagnosis. More often, the changes happen slowly. A parent may be doing just fine on their own while gradually needing a little more support.
This stage can last for years, and helping doesn’t have to mean taking over. The right support at the right time can help a parent continue doing more for themselves and stay independent longer.
What Can Adult Children Do?
Going to medical appointments with a parent can be surprisingly helpful. There can be a lot of information to remember, and having someone else there to listen, take notes, and ask questions can make things easier. It also helps to keep an updated list of medications to bring to each appointment.
You can also do practical things at home. This might mean making changes to reduce fall risk or looking into pre-packaged medications if no one lives nearby to help organize them.
And don’t overlook the importance of staying connected. Helping a parent stay involved with friends, church, hobbies, or other activities they enjoy can be just as important as helping with the practical side of aging.
What Is a Geriatric Care Manager?
A geriatric care manager is a professional, often trained as a nurse or social worker, who assesses an older adult’s needs and coordinates their care on behalf of the family. You may also see them called Aging Life Care™ managers, the profession’s name for itself since 2015.
What they handle is broader than people expect. They can source pre-packaged medications, recommend fall-prevention equipment, evaluate housing if a move is coming, and point a family to a good local elder-law attorney. Many will also attend appointments and report back.
Services offering free help with senior housing are often paid by the communities they recommend. The professional standards for certified aging life care managers prohibit referral fees and require that referrals serve only the older adult’s interests. When someone is helping you decide where your mother will live, it’s fair to ask how they are paid.
If the parent is the arranging everything, they often don’t have the energy. That’s the part that gets overlooked.
What About When You Live in Another City?
Living far away from an aging parent can make it harder to know when they need help. Regular phone calls help, but they don’t always tell you what’s happening day to day.
This is where having someone local can make a big difference. I helped a client who lived far from family put a small team in place, including someone who could be there in person and a local attorney to handle legal matters. Having trusted professionals nearby let the family stay involved even when they couldn’t be there.
Does Someone Have to Take Point?
Yes. Often, the sibling who lives closest ends up taking on most of the responsibility simply because they’re nearby. That can create tension when one person does most of the day-to-day work while other family members still make the decisions.
It helps to talk about responsibilities before things get more complicated. Decide who will communicate with doctors, who will keep the rest of the family updated, and how decisions will be made. These conversations can bring up the same family dynamics that come with helping adult children financially, so clarifying roles early can make things easier for everyone.
Caring for Aging Parents May Start Before You’re Ready
Caring for aging parents can gradually become part of life, and families don’t always know what kind of help they’ll need until they’re already in the middle of it. If you’re already helping your parents or starting to think about what they may need in the future, I’d be glad to talk through your options and help you figure out who should be part of their support team.
You can reach me at (317) 469-2455, email me at ssteel@deerfieldfa.com, or schedule a time through my online calendar. You can also read what clients have shared about working with me.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does a geriatric care manager do?
A geriatric care manager assesses an older adult’s needs and coordinates their care, usually with a background in nursing or social work. They arrange medication packaging, recommend fall prevention equipment, evaluate housing options, attend medical appointments, and keep family members informed. Once one is involved, families often need a conversation of their own.
How can I help my aging parents if I live in another state?
Build a local team. Someone nearby with professional judgment can see what a phone call cannot, which is why a geriatric care manager is worth considering when distance is the problem. Decide which sibling handles medical communication, and expect that role to grow. I wrote more about family roles in supporting families through the loss of a parent.
What are the early signs a parent needs more support?
Watch for changes in the ordinary things: unopened mail, missed medications, a tidy house that has stopped being tidy, or a parent who has quit an activity they used to look forward to. These shifts show up before any medical event does. Watch the last one closely, because what a person stays engaged in is part of what makes a full life.
About Susie
Susie Steel, CFP®, is the COO and a Senior Shareholder at Deerfield Financial Advisors, where she has dedicated over three decades to providing fee-only wealth management with a deep spirit of service. A multi-year “Five Star Wealth Manager,” she specializes in simplifying complex financial planning to create a nurturing, trusting environment for her clients.
