By Susie Steel, CFP®
One of the first questions I ask when I start working with a married couple is simple:
How do you handle your finances? Do you keep everything together, or do you maintain some separation?
Most of the time, the answer is “Together.” But over my three decades in financial planning, I’ve learned that there is no single right way for couples to manage money. What matters is that you’ve had the conversation and landed on something that works for both of you.
The Reality: Most Couples Combine Everything
About 99% of the couples I work with share their finances completely. One checking account, one set of credit cards, and full transparency. This approach works well when both partners are on the same page about spending, saving, and long-term goals.
But even within that structure, I’ve seen plenty of small tensions: Who gets to decide on a spontaneous purchase? How do you buy a surprise birthday gift when your spouse can see every transaction? These might seem minor, but they can create friction over time.
The Case for Some Separation
Maintaining some financial boundaries often reflects a genuine desire to honor the complexity of family life which is a reasonable thing to ask for in any relationship. Second marriages, for instance, often come with prenuptial agreements, assets from prior relationships, or children from previous marriages who factor into estate planning. There are plenty of valid reasons beyond that for keeping portions of finances separate.
I’ve also worked with couples where one partner earns significantly more than the other. When there is a large income gap, having separate personal accounts can help both people feel a sense of autonomy and equality even when their financial contributions to household expenses differ.
An Approach That Works: The Joint Operating Account
One strategy I often recommend is what my husband, Kevin, and I call the operating account. This is a shared account dedicated to household expenses: mortgage, utilities, groceries, insurance, all the predictable costs of running a home.
Each partner contributes to this account, and from there, the bills get paid. The question then is: How much does each person contribute?
Some couples split it evenly. Others contribute proportionally based on income. If one spouse earns twice as much as the other, they might put in twice as much toward household costs. Neither approach is wrong. What matters is that you’ve talked about it, agreed on it, and revisit it when circumstances change.
The “Fun Money” Concept
Beyond the operating account, I’m a big believer in what I call guilt-free spending money. This is a set amount each month that each person can use however they want, no questions asked.
One partner might spend theirs on lunches out with coworkers. The other might save up for a spa weekend or a new set of golf clubs. The point is that neither person has to justify these purchases to the other. It removes a common source of conflict and gives both partners a sense of financial independence within the relationship.
This also solves the “Christmas present problem.” If you’re buying from a separate account, you don’t have to worry about your spouse spotting the charge before they unwrap the gift.
Questions to Ask
If you haven’t had a money conversation with your spouse lately, here are a few questions to consider:
- Are we both comfortable with how our finances are structured right now?
- Do we each have access to information about our full financial picture?
- Is there room for personal spending that doesn’t require explanation?
- How do we handle financial decisions when we disagree?
These conversations can feel awkward, especially if money has been a source of tension in the past. But avoiding them rarely makes things easier.
When a Third Party Helps
Sometimes it’s useful to bring in a financial advisor, not to make decisions for you, but to facilitate the conversation. A good advisor can help you both see the bigger picture, ask questions you might not have thought of, and create a structure that reflects your shared values.
I’ve worked with couples in which one partner handles everything while the other feels completely in the dark. I’ve also worked with couples who keep their finances so separate that they’ve lost sight of their shared goals. In both cases, the first step is simply to get everyone in the same room and talk.
Start the Conversation
Your approach to money as a couple will evolve. What worked when you were newlyweds might not fit your life 20 years later. The important thing is to keep talking, stay flexible, and build a structure that supports both your partnership and your individual needs.
If you’d like guidance on how to approach these conversations, or if you’re looking for a thought partner as you navigate financial decisions together, I’d welcome the opportunity to connect. Call (317) 469-2455, email ssteel@deerfieldfa.com, or use my online calendar to schedule a time to talk.
Frequently Asked Questions About Joint Finances
How should couples divide household expenses if one person earns more?
There are two common ways to handle an income gap. Some couples prefer a proportional split, where each person contributes a percentage of their income to a joint “operating account” for bills. For example, if one partner earns 70% of the total household income, they cover 70% of the expenses. Others prefer an equal split regardless of salary to maintain a sense of total partnership. The key is to choose the method that feels most equitable to both individuals.
What is the best way for married couples to manage bank accounts?
The “best” way depends on your communication style, but a highly effective middle ground is the “Yours, Mine, and Ours” approach. In this system, you use a joint account for shared costs like mortgages and groceries, while maintaining separate personal accounts for guilt-free spending. This allows for transparency on big-picture goals while preserving individual autonomy and making it easier to buy surprise gifts.
Is it common for couples to keep their finances separate?
While many couples combine everything, keeping finances separate is common and often practical in specific scenarios. This includes second marriages, where prenuptial agreements or children from previous relationships are involved, or when partners have vastly different spending habits. Separating assets in these cases doesn’t have to signal a lack of trust; it’s often a focus on simplifying complex estate planning or honoring prior commitments.
How can a financial advisor help a couple who disagrees about money?
A financial advisor acts as a neutral third party to facilitate productive conversations and align individual habits with shared long-term goals. For example, Susie Steel, CFP®, at Deerfield Financial Advisors, helps couples move past the awkwardness of money talks by creating structured systems like the operating account and fun money categories. This professional guidance helps both partners feel seen and heard, regardless of who handles the day-to-day bookkeeping.
About Susie
Susie Steel, CFP®, is the COO and a Senior Shareholder at Deerfield Financial Advisors, where she has dedicated over three decades to providing fee-only wealth management with a deep spirit of service. A multi-year “Five Star Wealth Manager,” she specializes in simplifying complex financial planning to create a nurturing, trusting environment for her clients.
